This will be a series of stories about Chief Jeff. Chief was a walking accident. I like to think the Navy promoted him to a place where he could do the least amount of damage, but then I'd be insulting the chiefs. Well he could have been an "O". Sorry FJ.
In September of 1997 I was stationed at EODMU-7. (Explosive Ordnance Disposal Mobile Unit 7) I was part of an Area Search Detachment. Basically we played Jacque Cousteau using side scan sonar and remotely operated vehicles.
When Capt. Craig Buttons flew his A-10 into the mountain at Gold Dust Peak in Colorado in April of that year the Air Force was concerned that he may have dropped his general purpose bombs in the alpine lakes on Gold Dust Peak. This is where we came in. We could search the lakes using our technology and our divers.
Well the first day up the mountain was basically a dog and pony show. Every MSM network was flying up after us to video and do an interview. So off we go.
While there was a lull in the action Chief decides he needs to take a dump. Well lo and behold he didn't have any toilet paper. Instead of ripping his t-shirt in half or using a sock or two our industrious Chief decides to use some of the local vegetation. Not only does this not do the job but he smears s*it all over his back. Then proceeds to bury his underwear in the nearby brush. Concerned that the skipper might be wondering where he is, Chief meanders down to the Mark V (that's a small rubber boat). He walks up behind me and starts lending a hand.
I kind of get a whiff of something foul and start to sniff the air. Then I start complaining about the smell.
Chief says "Can you smell that?"
EB: "WHAT is that?"
Chief: "uh uh it's me.."
EB: "Get off the boat, go somewhere else".
Meanwhile CNN,CBS,NBC all of them are landing by CH-47.
A female reporter walks up to Chief to ask him a question.
She started sniffing the air.
You should have seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Needless to say this was a caseable offense.
10 comments:
Nothing like a little field exercise to make one long for civilization, I always say.
No offense received. On every one of my ACDUTRA's I relied entirely on the Chief's to tell me what to do. Things were a bit different in the merchant marines. There are no "techs" and crew sizes are in the low 30's. The engineers do all their own work, so I wasn't used to having everything done for me. I did get a kick out of standing deck watches though. The only time I ever conned a ship was in the USNR. Talk about a fish out of water... I'll take the Engine Room any day of the week!
If I wasn't standing a watch in fron of one of these, I was usually up to my elbows in fixing replacing the seals on one of a thousand steam valves.
I love engineers, they make the ship go, hot water, air conditioning, the galley. Never piss off the engineers.
EB-To bad you can't be court marshalled for congenital stupidity!
FJ-Engines are full of fiddly thingamajiggers, the bigger the engine, the bigger and messier the thingamajigger...and fiddlier too!
tmw
I assume you had SOME training before connning the ship?
Yes... about a half hour of watching another officer do it. We were sitting in the middle of Puget Sound trying to slowly turn through 360 degree's using Engine Commands... one prop slow ahead, the other slow astern. It was part of the Weapons System Alinement Tests on the Range.
I am a certified lifetboat Coxswain... but I don't think that experience was readily "transferable". But fortunately, I've had a few years on the "receiving end" of engine commands. Trying to control the rate of spin.... that was the challenge. There was no way I was going to run into anything.
The Captain of the McKean did threaten on that trip to make me take the con when we departed from the pier at Bangor... but with a sub parked immediately astern and the Trident loading sheds forward, he wisely decided that I was a bit too "inexperienced" to make the attempt.
*Phew*
Even the Merchant Captains don't take their ships to the pier. That's why they made "pilots".
Precisely, tmw. And as we used to advise visitors with our sign...
ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS!
Das Enginworkin ist nicht fuer gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schappen der shpringenverk, blowenfusen unt poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist night fuer gewerken bei die Dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken Sichtseeren turisten, keepen das cotton-pickenen Hands in die Pockets muss; relaxen und watschen das Blinkenlights.
Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ROTFLMSS!
I like that, even a non german speaker can understand that loud and clear!
tmw
BTW-My Dad had all sorts of fascinating electronic stuff in the garage, I learned to keepen zee handsen ein mit pocketen!
Uh, VERY FUNNY! Were you talking about Chief Jeff "C"? It's gotta be!
:)
Joe
THE one and only Joe.
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